Even now I feel the sting of defeat. Oh sure, I won my ESPN fantasy basketball league handily—an impressive feat given my previous lack of success with this particular sport. ESPN will be mailing me a t-shirt for my efforts, probably by the time we are using automated hover-cars for transport. But never has winning a fantasy sports league felt so empty. You see, I managed to finish 4th overall in the universe on ESPN’s final leaderboard. This would rank me squarely outside consideration for the major prizes, bestowed solely upon the top 3 players. So any hopes of winning $500, $1100, or even $3000 flew out the window the moment the NBA regular season ended.

Oh, but it gets worse. For those of you familiar with rotisserie leagues, you know that each team earns points based on how well the actual players do in the actual statistical categories of the sport. As you can see, my team’s weakest category was free throw percentage, in which I trailed the next player by 13/10000th of a point. Yes, lucky number .0013 indeed. If I had managed to squeak out the victory in this lone category by simply hitting a handful more free throws, not only would I have ranked in the top three overall, I would have WON THE WHOLE FREAKING SHOW. Not that I am bitter or disappointed or bitterly disappointed, or what not.

Anyway, if you check out my team stats and decide that it deserves some sweet loot, you are more than free to tap that friendly Paypal button on my site and let me know your feelings via cash. In the meantime, I would like to thank Shawn Marion, Vince Carter, Pau Gasol, Marcus Camby, Carlos Boozer, Lamar Odom, Chauncey Billups, Ricky Davis, Jason Richardson, Mo Williams, and the other bit-players for their magnificent efforts. But man, y’all need to learn to hit some free throws.